i had to write a description paper for my discourse class, and i chose to describe my church...well i wish i would have chosen something different.  something that was engraved so much on my mind that i decided to write the description essay on it anyway.  and since my paper is already "along the continum" i'm going to post this essay here cause i think it is kind of good plus it gets my feelings out....the description is the love of family in times of trial, and the "so what" of the paper is there is no bond stronger than family.  so here it is....untitled (i need to think of a title for it)

I followed my mother into my second home where I had been so many times before.  But this time it was different.  It was a chilly Saturday night in the middle of November, and approaching the doors you get this overpowering smell of cod soaked in lye.  It was the 13th annual lutefisk dinner at St James Lutheran Church and all was a glow inside the church.  The servers proudly wore their Scandinavian attire, the greeters made sure everything was in order, and the place smelt like coming home.  But I knew right off the bat something was amiss and I knew she would never be back to fix it.

            Una Lamb had been coming to St. James since nearly the opening of the church, and had organized and manned the little library that had grown in her time from four books in the pastor’s office to a beautiful room with big windows to see out into the common area.  This among many other wonderful things Una had done such as planning and preparing the lutefisk dinner every year or crocheting warm prayer shawls and delivering them to those in times of need, helped separate Una from your everyday average person to a matriarch of St. James’ family.  The best aspect about her was her love for everyone around her.  Her and her husband Les after hearing my sister and I had no grandfathers alive took it upon themselves to be our grandparents in faith.  And were they ever!  My fondest memories of St James have been with them.  From sitting with them until the last minute before choir at meet and eat Wednesdays, to talking to them every Sunday morning in the library, to even singing in choir and looking down seeing them beam with pride at me.  Over these past short years they have become an important asset to my life.  There is nothing like the love between a grandchild and their grandparents- through blood, faith, or any other way. 

            Strolling into St James I immediately saw someone I had not seen since my last visit home and they were very eager to catch up with their favorite little cobber.  I chatted with the Sondrol’s about talking in Norwegian, and with Mary Brown whom I sat next to in adult choir for four years.  I made my way through the herd of Scandinavian folk to Pastor Al who greeted me with a hearty “Welcome home,” and a big hug.  These are the things and people I miss most when I go back to college.  After going through the masses of people I glance back at the door, and sure enough the man I wanted to see the most but at the same time did not want to see at all was pulling off his winter jacket to hang it up.  Les Lamb had entered the scene.  I was so nervous to go talk to him; I did not know what to say or how to say it.  I had never lost anybody this close to me before so what do you say to the one who knew them the best?

            My mother coyly stated, “there’s Les, lets go talk to him.”  Placing all fears of what to say I simply followed.  He was standing taller than usual due to a recent back treatment but the look in his eyes was heart wrenching.  He was heart broken and with good reason too, Les and Una had been married fifty years this spring.  I gave him the biggest hug I could, and in turn he gave me the biggest one he could.  It felt great to be home, and not home as in where I sleep while I am here but home as in where the people I love are.  I went and socialized a bit more and he was kept busy by others as well.  The next time I saw him was right before I was about to leave and he was sitting alone waiting for his number so he could go downstairs and eat.  My thoughts were to say good bye and scurry out of there as fast as I could.  I went over to give him a hug good bye and like the great grandfather that he is, had me sitting on his lap with his arm around me.  We sat there for a good few minutes in silence and after that we sat there and talked just like we had in every other memory I have with him.

            That was when I knew everything would be alright.  I knew slowly but surely my grandfather will be ok with the support from his real family and his extended one.  I knew that even though such a pillar of our lives was gone that we would still manage to be fine and if anything learn to be like her.  The biggest thing however was that nothing-not even death can break the love between a family of faith.  On the night of her funeral the church was packed to maximum capacity, and there was not a dry eye in the entire place.  We were all there for one another just as she had been for others so many times before.  We are truly a family of faith at St James and nothing can penetrate the love that is shared between all of us- living and deceased.

so i was going to blog about how hypocritical people are annoying....like how they say they're friends with someone and then go and bash them behind their backs, or how say one thing and mean another. 

but then i realized that i am a hypocrite.  there are occasions when i get mad and say things, or i have done "interesting" things in the past that...well...lets not go there-but it was VERY hypocritical.

all in all we are humans and we screw up, and sometimes the screw ups are good, and most of the time they are bad....and now i have lost my train of thought so i am going to leave it here with....

We ought to see far enough into a hypocrite to see even his sincerity.
-Thomas Fuller

all my life i have just been average, never over achieving and also never underachieving...i look back on that now and realize i should have done more.  i should have stayed in dance, i should have finished trying out for the dance team (i went to on try out day and then quit), i should have done my homework.  basically there is a whole list of things i should have done, but can't- so there is no point on wishing for the past.   but maybe if i had done some of the things then that i realize i should have done then maybe i would have (at least) graduated with honors, not be in the "dumb-dumb" program at concordia, and just maybe have a chance at ANY scholarship. 

i am honestly a good person at heart, for once i just wish that there wasn't always someone who is just barely better...

an anonymous person in class just found my pride and joy from the past however many monthes....its only been here since february, and she is the first one to find it.  she says that it was "totally rock star!"  which makes me happy, the first person to see it didn't say it sucked eggs.  woo hoo!!!  my high school career is now complete...lol.  on with college!

speaking of college, in the past couple of days i have been realizing that in about 2 monthes i am going to be leaving everything that is familiar to me.  for some unexplained feeling that has been pushing me to the college of choice.  its really starting to freak me out...how am i going to pay for it? will i fit in?  will i end up happier there?  how will i leave everybody?

i think that last question is the easiest to answer.  if you haven't already read my other blogs i haven't been getting along with a lot of people i am friends with-of course there are a few exceptions but not too many.  so maybe that will be easy....in a way i hope it is.

with luv,

grace racette

wanna hear something dumb?  i get over really stupid things...like right now i am kind of jealous that a friend of mine started talking to another friend of mine simply because he was friends with me.  she didn't know him at all, and started talking to him like he was her new best friend...well maybe i'm over exagerating, but the thought was there.  come to think of it, a lot of my jealousy lies in her.  she used to be my best friend and everytime i thought "wow someone else also thinks of me as their best friend" her REAL best friend would come back into the picture and i'd be cast aside for about a month or longer until her REAL best friend hung out with other people again...it is stupid to say but that kind of is/was how i have been feeling.  most of the time that waqs why we stopped talking for periods of time, now i did something that completely screwed over our friendship.  i feel completely awful about it, and i'd take it back if i could.  but i cant, so i have to either a.) wait for her to forgive me, or b.) realize that its a lost cause.  she once wrote in her blog, something to the effect of...

Sometimes we put up walls
Not to block people out
But to see who cares enough
To  B r e a k  them down

well up until my mistake, i tried to get through the "walls" but always got pushed aside whenever her REAL best friend would come around, and now i'm not even trying...at least that way i wont get hurt again, or hurt her.